Saturday, June 22, 2013

Complete Reckless Abandon of Protocol: with ZOMBIES!

Mother is an infrequent reader of other things on the internet. Without wi-fi of her own, her attempts to glean information and entertainment (AND COOKIES!!!) are much more limited than in the past.
One blog that is read is about some horses named O and Ima and Pangea. Apparently they remind Mother of a previous life, or something.

ANYWAY, the lady that writes about O and Ima and Pangea had some questions for her readers, which Mother decided should be answered here. After explaining to me exactly what is involved with zombies and their lifestyles (oh, ick ick ICK), here goes:



11 Questions for Readers:

   You have to choose only 5 things to survive the zombie apocalypse. What do you bring along?
Hay bag filled with hay (NOT the slow feed ones... oh, wait, that'll keep the hay from spilling out everywhere), Mrs. Pastures Cookies, Herballs, my joint supplements, and Mother
 
 Quick! There are zombies chasing you and your best friend is slowing you down. Do you trip them up and let them get eaten, or help them along at the risk of being eaten yourself?
 No. I can't make make life or un-death decisions like that. That's why we move in herds, and why the miniature donks aren't too awful to have around. The wolves, er, uh, zombies will definitely catch them first. Then Callie, then Bert. Belle will be tired by then... I'll still be going strong!

 You get to the barn and find that your horse is a zombie! What do you do?
Oh, like Belle was a zombie? Does she still eat hay? If not, more for me!

 If you were a zombie, who would you eat first?
Fat donkey. Then I wouldn't have to eat again for a while.

 Do you think zombies have feelings and can they be cured?
 Everyone has feelings. But can feelings be cured? I don't know. A better thing is if the feelings never need to be cured.

 In this world of Smartphones and technology, do you ever wonder if we're ALREADY all zombies?
Can zombies eat hay? No.
I eat hay. Therefore, not a zombie.

 You found the cure for zombification! What is it?
Being a zombie IS the cure. If you are a zombie, you don't mind being a zombie... Do you, Mother?

 You have a choice for vehicles to survive a zombie apocalypse: a heavily armored but slow tank, a very speedy jacked up truck with a gun rack, or a small cargo carrier airplane. Which do you choose and why?
The tank, because I am afraid of heights.

 Where is your safe hiding spot going to be during the zombie apocalypse?
The run-in shed.

 
 The zombies have caught you and you're about to be eaten. Which part would you want them to consume first?
Mane and tail. That should keep them busy for quite a while, plus they might choke and give up. Oh, and then my hooves, if they are just trimming up any rough edges.

 You're up for some hand to hand combat with zombies. You have a choice between a baseball bat, a Swiss army knife, and a meat tenderizer hammer. Which do you choose?
Hooves. I can't hold any of those other weapons very effectively.

 If zombies could dance, what kind of dance would they do?
Mother told me to write "The Monster Mash". I would think a mash made of monsters would be rather gross and not edible, however.


Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Reminder... the way things WERE

Mother reminded me of the way things WERE. This was me a few months in to my domesticated life.

I am MUCH handsomer now, if I do say so myself.

Monday, June 17, 2013

The Way Things Are

The way things are is the way things are

For example, these photos are from weeks ago, from Auntie Erin's camera. Mother has been having issues getting anything to load from her latest photo sessions.

The humans like pictures, Mother, but really, they just want to hear from me. NOT languish in silence for weeks on end.

They'll think something terrible has happened. Really, I just putter about in anonymity.

When Mother shows up, she plays with the donkeys.

Julia, lunging... What about me, Mother??

Clementine
More Clementine
Ellie Mae
 
Even Fat Donkey gets more attention than me.
 
 
That's just gross!!
 
 
Anyway, Mother has been up a fair amount these last few weeks, she just doesn't let me have the Wi-Fi. And believe me, I have things to talk about... Mother shaved the asses!!

Monday, May 13, 2013

The Bestest Description of the Worstest Thing

What's been happening to me: eating

What's been happening to Mother: Hyperbole and a half describes it best


Sunday, May 5, 2013

Mother is Lazy

Mother decided to do do a REPLAY of last year's post to talk about my Bolivian this year. I'm just glad she had new clippers, so no tugging. If you don't know what the Bolivian is, read this first.




International Standards: Passport

Mother was commenting today on my lack of good hygiene. I don't see what the problem is.


I think I look clean enough.

At first, Mother thinks I am clean enough, too



As I get closer, though, it is obvious I fall below her standard of "clean".


Unclean! Unclean!
Boyfriend!?! 
Did you sleep on the warm pillow again? 
How do you do that?


Easy, I just close my eyes and drift away on a warm sea of tranquility.

Ew. You have all sorts of stains. 
And you sort of smell. 
I don't like smelling like that, too. Ick. 
Do I really have to brush you?

Whatever.
 This side isn't so bad...

Really, Bif? That is clean to you?

 Honestly, Mother! You make me sound like some primitive creature that has climbed up out of the primordial ooze.
Errr... ummmm...
 Can we just get on with whatever you came up here for?

Me and my big mouth. Mother gave me a really good currying and brushing, but then she decided it was time. Every year around this time, she decides I need to renew my passport.

I'm not sure which is stranger... the fact that she insists on doing this, or the fact that I don't really mind. Truth be told, I was sweating a bit from all that extra hair. 

I'm glad it's gone.

Tasteful, tactful, photographic proof of my Bolivian.


Mother commented for the first time today on how long my forelock has grown. She grumbled because after she put my halter on and made sure my mane was out from under the crown, she had to pull my forelock out from under the noseband.

Great, another reason for her to snivel.

Friday, May 3, 2013

briefest promise...

Mother is off ghost sitting again, but promises I'll have full internet access later this weekend.



We'll just see, won't we?

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Refund

Dear Mother,

It was unfair of you to spend your refund on DONKEY FLY MASKS.

Really?


Stolen from internet


They're just going to lose them, anyway.

sigh

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Taxation and Documentation

Mother is busy filling out forms and thanking the various governments for keeping her roadways safe, her air somewhat breathable, etc. etc. She says she'll come up to visit me soon, but I remember past times when she's filled out forms, and she doesn't exactly have a good track record at speediness.

In actual good news, she has relocated her camera, so soon there should be glorious pictures of me in all of my activities once again.

The pictures are what the people want, I tell her. They don't give a flake about tax forms.


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