Sunday, December 15, 2013

'Tis the Season to be Hole-y

Mother came up to visit me on Sunday.

Three Sundays ago!

It's been forever since she has been up here.

Ice, you say? That's a crumby excuse, Mother.

Long hours at work? I spend long hours at boredom, thanks to you.

Horse-sitting others? Where ARE your priorities?



And even when she was visiting that Sunday, she invited Aunt Nancy (DVM) to stab me over and over with needles. What the...?



















Believe it or not, it's kinda nice!

I remain in joyful hope that Mother will come visit me soon. If not, I'm going to start putting MY version of old classics on here, and Mother won't like that at all!

Mother Got Ran Over by a Reindeer, anyone?

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Mother's Dream

Mother thinks of me from time to time as, well, a river horse.

She's talked about some resemblance, which I frankly don't see
 
One time, she even illustrated our little walk in the park thusly


And as she works with the donkeys to teach them to drive, she has visions of the same for me...







 


Not funny, Mother.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

I got my teeth floated.

I got cookies.

Hay. Everyday.

I was brushed.

I was ignored in favor of miniscule asses.

I got cookies.

MOTHER... GET SOME INTERNET!!

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Bad Sitcoms and the Zombie Apocalypse



As often, Mother has been too lazy to love me and take pictures and all the rest. Like a bad sitcom, she thinks it's OK just to put a re-run up.

I will say, though, she really, really likes this post... and it is keeping with the day!



 found via google images on deviantart. 
BE, thanks for drawing this in '08

 

Complete Reckless Abandon of Protocol: with ZOMBIES!

Mother is an infrequent reader of other things on the internet. Without wi-fi of her own, her attempts to glean information and entertainment (AND COOKIES!!!) are much more limited than in the past.
One blog that is read is about some horses named O and Ima and Pangea.[and now Tre] Apparently they remind Mother of a previous life, or something.

ANYWAY, the lady that writes about O and Ima and Pangea had some questions for her readers, which Mother decided should be answered here. After explaining to me exactly what is involved with zombies and their lifestyles (oh, ick ick ICK), here goes:



11 Questions for Readers:

   You have to choose only 5 things to survive the zombie apocalypse. What do you bring along?
Hay bag filled with hay (NOT the slow feed ones... oh, wait, that'll keep the hay from spilling out everywhere), Mrs. Pastures Cookies, Herballs, my joint supplements, and Mother
 
 Quick! There are zombies chasing you and your best friend is slowing you down. Do you trip them up and let them get eaten, or help them along at the risk of being eaten yourself?
 No. I can't make make life or un-death decisions like that. That's why we move in herds, and why the miniature donks aren't too awful to have around. The wolves, er, uh, zombies will definitely catch them first. Then Callie, then Bert. Belle will be tired by then... I'll still be going strong!

 You get to the barn and find that your horse is a zombie! What do you do?
Oh, like Belle was a zombie? Does she still eat hay? If not, more for me!

 If you were a zombie, who would you eat first?
Fat donkey. Then I wouldn't have to eat again for a while.

 Do you think zombies have feelings and can they be cured?
 Everyone has feelings. But can feelings be cured? I don't know. A better thing is if the feelings never need to be cured.

 In this world of Smartphones and technology, do you ever wonder if we're ALREADY all zombies?
Can zombies eat hay? No.
I eat hay. Therefore, not a zombie.

 You found the cure for zombification! What is it?
Being a zombie IS the cure. If you are a zombie, you don't mind being a zombie... Do you, Mother?

 You have a choice for vehicles to survive a zombie apocalypse: a heavily armored but slow tank, a very speedy jacked up truck with a gun rack, or a small cargo carrier airplane. Which do you choose and why?
The tank, because I am afraid of heights.

 Where is your safe hiding spot going to be during the zombie apocalypse?
The run-in shed.

 
 The zombies have caught you and you're about to be eaten. Which part would you want them to consume first?
Mane and tail. That should keep them busy for quite a while, plus they might choke and give up. Oh, and then my hooves, if they are just trimming up any rough edges.

 You're up for some hand to hand combat with zombies. You have a choice between a baseball bat, a Swiss army knife, and a meat tenderizer hammer. Which do you choose?
Hooves. I can't hold any of those other weapons very effectively.

 If zombies could dance, what kind of dance would they do?
Mother told me to write "The Monster Mash". I would think a mash made of monsters would be rather gross and not edible, however.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Not Dead

Mother said I should reassure everyone that I am not dead.

 [clearly alive]


I could say I've just been busy eating, and getting burrs in my hair, and getting shaved bald again like the last time... but really, it's because Mother has no internet and thus I have no way to communicate with the outside world. I'm really not that busy.

sigh

I do have a visit with the dentist coming up soon, so I am excited about that... HAPPY PLACE! And apparently Aunt Nancy will bring her Bunny over, who I've never met. I hope the donkeys scare him to death, but Mother says he lived with a donkey, so the likelihood of that is quite slim.

sigh


Mother has also been drooling over some horse on the internet, but I am not worried.

If she can't afford Internet, how could she afford another horse?

[when I still had my hair]

And why would she want one?

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Everyone but Me

Look deep in to the monitor, and you'll see...


A ridiculously large mode of transportation...





Yes, the donkeys got a ride to the park. Aunt Nancy and Mother took them on a walk...


While I sit at home. Unwanted. Unloved.

Mother is always at work.

Or stays at home and stares at her cats...


































I don't see what is so cute about them.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Other Priorities

How the mighty have fallen.

I used to be The Most Important Thing.

Then, I suspected the donkeys superseded me. Even though I still get cookies and they don't.

Now, Mother just fusses over the psychocats living in her apartment.

She even is making lists. For example, here is her Tips to Co-Existing with your Psychocats

1. Accept that 3 felines may make you a crazy cat lady. Purchase magnet for your car so no one will be confused and mistake you for sane.

2. Just eat in the car. It's easier. Even if you have to microwave it in the house first. People will understand. You have the magnet.

3. Try to maintain one or two cat free zones in your home to retreat to. If one of these happens to be the bathroom, you are a lucky human.

4. Cat with seniority may follow you into the bathroom if he so chooses. He's trying to get away from the pyschokittens, too, after all.

5. Offer a kitten to everyone you come in contact with, "Would you like the feral kitten, or the one with two broken legs?"

6. Accept that you will have nothing nice for the next 12-20 years. Including dates.


sigh

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Outside of My Scope

As previously mentioned, Mother and Aunt Erin went on a trip where they were terrorized by kittens, hiked trails, and saw animals perform brave feats...

Yeah, you can teach the donkeys that one if you like, Mother. I'm having nothing to do with it.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Casualties of Burr

Mother did it again.

I have been shorn.

She did leave me my forelock this time, so I shouldn't complain. I will say it is much less hot, and now I don't have to stand there while she tugs burrs out.

Aunt Erin is crying.

While I don't yet have photographic proof of my hair loss, here are examples of  ridiculous donkeys:


Yeah. Aliens in our midst.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

While Mother's gone

I nap...

I eat...

...while Mother stands in terror of some unexpected guests at her condo




















Now she just has to figure out how to capture, contain, deflea, and transport 3 feral kittens. Oh, and spay/neuter.

Ha ha, Mother! Hope you are relaxing on your VACATION!!

Friday, August 9, 2013

The Usual Delayed Promises

Mother is not dead. I know, because she brushed me and dewormed me this evening.

She has been without energy or internet, but claims she has time and internet this week, so I personally am hoping for a posting extravaganza.

Because there was a lot of stuff going on up here...

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle: Trailering Tips

Mother said I should post this again. I guess lots of horses travel in the summer.





Sunday, October 23, 2011

Trailering Tips

It occurred to me that humans may not really understand what goes on in the moving stall (trailer) behind them. While they are merrily singing and laughing and eating and drinking, things are happening in the back. So for anyone potentially riding in the back, here are some tips and knowledge I have learned through the years.

1. If you ride crammed in with others, you don't have to work nearly as hard to keep your balance. If you are by yourself, you want to keep at least one side or your butt up against the wall to brace yourself. Bracing yourself with your head and neck is not recommended.
1a. Some trailers have you stand with a squishy bar against your chest area, as well as in the back, and you can brace against those if you need to. These trailers allow the humans to pass under the chest bar and go out through the "escape door". There is often some sort of hay bag that hangs off the front wall and stretches to the chest bar.
1b. Escape door is for human use only.

2. Don't fluff the hay with your feet. Humans may give you a wall hay bag instead of the walk-through-area-hanging-manger-y bag if you persist in trying to fluff the hay with your feet... sigh. So it's not perfectly poofed the way you like it, but you know you can't reach up that high to fluff it. Mother shakes it out when she puts it in the wall bag, actually the manger-y bag too, but it isn't the same... hhhrmph.

3. If you do fluff the hay with your feet, and end up sideways in the hay area of the walk-through with the hay bags at your feet and the head divider displaced from it's normal location to behind your butt against the escape door,  just know you can't really eat the hay anymore. And you'll get a crick in your neck from craning it into the passenger-side horse area since you are longer than the space is. And you may require stitches. In multiple locations.

4. Water that drips down on you through the back door is just rain. It isn't acid and there is no reason to overreact.

5. When you load, the human doing the loading will usually give you a treat once you are safely aboard. Oh, and it is best if you know at least one member of the loading team. Otherwise, you may in fact find yourself the victim of theft. From what I hear, that doesn't end well.

6. Display caution when loading into a step up stock trailer, especially if it has straw on the floor. If you commit and leap with too much enthusiasm, you may slide forward on the straw and crash into the front wall or cut gate. Fortunately, Mother has this really nice chiropractor that comes to visit me.

7. If turning around is an option for unloading, it is preferable to do that so you may see how far down you may have to jump. I forget while I am on the trailer if it was a ramp or a step up or the giant step up (which really should have a lift gate, you know?). If you turn around, this problem can be avoided. If you must back off, display caution, and make sure the footing is safe before proceeding. Do not rush out backwards.

8. If you have the option, ride backwards. You can watch Mother in her car behind you that way. Oh, and it is easier to balance. And you're already facing out when it is time to unload.

9. You may stop every few hours at the truck feeding smelly place. This is a great time to take care of bodily functions that are more difficult to perform while in transit. This is also a good time to fill up on hay. You can judge how long a trip it will be by whether the humans offer you water or not. Water means you may still be in there for hours (or days...) and you should drink it if offered. Trips that require only one truck feeding usually won't have water offered.

10. If you like people watching, truck feeding stops are the place for you. Small female humans in particular seem to be attracted to the trailer, and they can be fun to watch as they hop up and down and try to peer in.

11. Always stay prepared. You never know when you may experience a sideways shift (humans call these "lane changes"), although you may hear a faint buzz/ticking from the side that you will be shifting to right before the shift happens. These usually happen smoothly but may arise suddenly without warning. This is possibly accompanied by a sudden acceleration or deceleration that may be unpleasant. If the humans have open windows, you may hear further unpleasantness.
11a. Just because you are going slow doesn't mean you are safe. Sometimes that just means you are going to go over a small mountain that makes the whole trailer jump. Humans call these speed bumps. I dislike speed bumps.

12. Don't ride while under the influence (in your Happy Place). Just say no. Well, actually, I say yes, but that's because I've found if they load you up while you are still Happy, they usually will stop before very long and get out and go feed themselves. So you sit there and eventually wake up a little bit more, and then you are fully awake awake, and then you start to realize that you are really, really hungry but there is no food because you were in your Happy Place, and by the time the humans come back you just want to get going. Come on! Let's get home for my dinner!



Umm, I think that covers the main points. Any questions?

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Fruitcake

What Mother should have been doing

You know brushing me, like Aunt Erin does.

What Mother has been doing

Really???!???

Mother, you are not right in the head.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Tantalize

So it's been a busy week for me... between watching the donkeys get de-haired, and then Uncle Jeff came up and sent all eight equines to their Happy Place, and then yesterday Mother and Auntie Erin came up and were playing beautician, which I always find hilarious.


After redoing my hair, and Mother working on my hoovies, I was kicked back out to the Small whilst they dragged in the wee donks to torture in various ways. I kept giving Mother "The Look"... 



and she finally let me into the barnyard to do what I wanted all along.









Rastafarian Giraffe





Sassafras... so tasty.

Not sure why Mother says I look like a giraffe... I don't have horns.

I will say, this really helps elongate and stretch the neck


Nums

I spent quite a while out there, until Mother thought I might really turn in to a giraffe.



WhatEVER, Mother!!!


Saturday, June 22, 2013

Complete Reckless Abandon of Protocol: with ZOMBIES!

Mother is an infrequent reader of other things on the internet. Without wi-fi of her own, her attempts to glean information and entertainment (AND COOKIES!!!) are much more limited than in the past.
One blog that is read is about some horses named O and Ima and Pangea. Apparently they remind Mother of a previous life, or something.

ANYWAY, the lady that writes about O and Ima and Pangea had some questions for her readers, which Mother decided should be answered here. After explaining to me exactly what is involved with zombies and their lifestyles (oh, ick ick ICK), here goes:



11 Questions for Readers:

   You have to choose only 5 things to survive the zombie apocalypse. What do you bring along?
Hay bag filled with hay (NOT the slow feed ones... oh, wait, that'll keep the hay from spilling out everywhere), Mrs. Pastures Cookies, Herballs, my joint supplements, and Mother
 
 Quick! There are zombies chasing you and your best friend is slowing you down. Do you trip them up and let them get eaten, or help them along at the risk of being eaten yourself?
 No. I can't make make life or un-death decisions like that. That's why we move in herds, and why the miniature donks aren't too awful to have around. The wolves, er, uh, zombies will definitely catch them first. Then Callie, then Bert. Belle will be tired by then... I'll still be going strong!

 You get to the barn and find that your horse is a zombie! What do you do?
Oh, like Belle was a zombie? Does she still eat hay? If not, more for me!

 If you were a zombie, who would you eat first?
Fat donkey. Then I wouldn't have to eat again for a while.

 Do you think zombies have feelings and can they be cured?
 Everyone has feelings. But can feelings be cured? I don't know. A better thing is if the feelings never need to be cured.

 In this world of Smartphones and technology, do you ever wonder if we're ALREADY all zombies?
Can zombies eat hay? No.
I eat hay. Therefore, not a zombie.

 You found the cure for zombification! What is it?
Being a zombie IS the cure. If you are a zombie, you don't mind being a zombie... Do you, Mother?

 You have a choice for vehicles to survive a zombie apocalypse: a heavily armored but slow tank, a very speedy jacked up truck with a gun rack, or a small cargo carrier airplane. Which do you choose and why?
The tank, because I am afraid of heights.

 Where is your safe hiding spot going to be during the zombie apocalypse?
The run-in shed.

 
 The zombies have caught you and you're about to be eaten. Which part would you want them to consume first?
Mane and tail. That should keep them busy for quite a while, plus they might choke and give up. Oh, and then my hooves, if they are just trimming up any rough edges.

 You're up for some hand to hand combat with zombies. You have a choice between a baseball bat, a Swiss army knife, and a meat tenderizer hammer. Which do you choose?
Hooves. I can't hold any of those other weapons very effectively.

 If zombies could dance, what kind of dance would they do?
Mother told me to write "The Monster Mash". I would think a mash made of monsters would be rather gross and not edible, however.


Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Reminder... the way things WERE

Mother reminded me of the way things WERE. This was me a few months in to my domesticated life.

I am MUCH handsomer now, if I do say so myself.

Monday, June 17, 2013

The Way Things Are

The way things are is the way things are

For example, these photos are from weeks ago, from Auntie Erin's camera. Mother has been having issues getting anything to load from her latest photo sessions.

The humans like pictures, Mother, but really, they just want to hear from me. NOT languish in silence for weeks on end.

They'll think something terrible has happened. Really, I just putter about in anonymity.

When Mother shows up, she plays with the donkeys.

Julia, lunging... What about me, Mother??

Clementine
More Clementine
Ellie Mae
 
Even Fat Donkey gets more attention than me.
 
 
That's just gross!!
 
 
Anyway, Mother has been up a fair amount these last few weeks, she just doesn't let me have the Wi-Fi. And believe me, I have things to talk about... Mother shaved the asses!!

Monday, May 13, 2013

The Bestest Description of the Worstest Thing

What's been happening to me: eating

What's been happening to Mother: Hyperbole and a half describes it best


Sunday, May 5, 2013

Mother is Lazy

Mother decided to do do a REPLAY of last year's post to talk about my Bolivian this year. I'm just glad she had new clippers, so no tugging. If you don't know what the Bolivian is, read this first.




International Standards: Passport

Mother was commenting today on my lack of good hygiene. I don't see what the problem is.


I think I look clean enough.

At first, Mother thinks I am clean enough, too



As I get closer, though, it is obvious I fall below her standard of "clean".


Unclean! Unclean!
Boyfriend!?! 
Did you sleep on the warm pillow again
How do you do that?


Easy, I just close my eyes and drift away on a warm sea of tranquility.

Ew. You have all sorts of stains. 
And you sort of smell. 
I don't like smelling like that, too. Ick. 
Do I really have to brush you?

Whatever.
 This side isn't so bad...

Really, Bif? That is clean to you?

 Honestly, Mother! You make me sound like some primitive creature that has climbed up out of the primordial ooze.
Errr... ummmm...
 Can we just get on with whatever you came up here for?

Me and my big mouth. Mother gave me a really good currying and brushing, but then she decided it was time. Every year around this time, she decides I need to renew my passport.

I'm not sure which is stranger... the fact that she insists on doing this, or the fact that I don't really mind. Truth be told, I was sweating a bit from all that extra hair. 

I'm glad it's gone.

Tasteful, tactful, photographic proof of my Bolivian.


Mother commented for the first time today on how long my forelock has grown. She grumbled because after she put my halter on and made sure my mane was out from under the crown, she had to pull my forelock out from under the noseband.

Great, another reason for her to snivel.

Friday, May 3, 2013

briefest promise...

Mother is off ghost sitting again, but promises I'll have full internet access later this weekend.



We'll just see, won't we?

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Refund

Dear Mother,

It was unfair of you to spend your refund on DONKEY FLY MASKS.

Really?


Stolen from internet


They're just going to lose them, anyway.

sigh
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