Thursday, April 29, 2010

Mid-Life Crisis?

So, in my bio, I describe myself as "a young horse named Boyfriend".  And I am going to ask a non-horse like but very human like question:

At what age should I consider myself middle aged?

I'm going to be nine this summer. Nine doesn't seem so very old, although I've been to a few weird places and seen lots of things, and sometimes my body does feel a little older than it used to. Mother seems to think that with my not-so-good joint I might not live to be thirty or so, like most horses should. I know I can hide my problem from the wolves quite well, so I don't know what she thinks will happen to me. My girlfriend Jeanie is 32 this year, and she still looks great. And if a wolf does come along, I'll push Bert or the donkey towards it instead of letting him catch me!

But Mother likes accuracy, and she thinks I need to change my bio to more accurately reflect my age. Or just omit my age. Hmmm...

You think it's easy being a successful horse with a blog and everything, but it is work.

This is stressful.

I need some cookies...

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Hygiene, Bye-giene!

Mother got out the clippers again this evening. It hasn't even been a month, but apparently she has figured out even more of my hair to remove. She clipped my stubborn guard hairs that haven't shed from the midline of my belly, and the aberrant sprouters on the underside of my neck and from my chest. She did my beard (more like a 5 o'clock shadow). She did my yak withers and halter path and the line of my ears.

She was so happy with me because without her asking I kept my head down for all of that stuff. She's so easy to make happy, sometimes. And she looks so sweet. I probably shouldn't spoil her like that.

Because... then she got out this smelly stuff and rubbed it into the roots of my hair on my mane and tail and forelock. Now I stink!

She says it will help my hair grow.

What's the point, since she just seems to want to clip it all off, anyway?

I did get cookies out of the deal. One when she was done, two when she let me loose in the pasture, and another because I stuck my head in the magic window while she was cleaning up and she is powerless to resist me. Yumm, cookies...

It's supposed to rain this weekend. Maybe the stinky stuff will wash off!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


I think I've lost my job.

We went to get the mail today. I was... reluctant... to leave the greater stable area. That driveway is steep, and I really would prefer to stay near my mare herd. I knew Mother was frustrated with me, but I really wanted to stay at the barn. Finally, I gave in and headed purposefully down the drive.

Mother kept telling me I should walk. I guess my little slithery jog/shuffle doesn't count as a walk. I got to the first bridge when I heard the baying hound from hell echo down the hill. The neighbor's French mastiff, a giant chestnut beast with creepy amber eyes, galloped down the hill behind me. I tried to hurry up the hill, but Mother insisted I walk. The evil beast came closer, and barking in that horrible loud voice. I spun, in case I needed to attack. Mother yelled at the dog, then sort of at me, and turned me around to continue on.

I saw deer startle across the way. The mastiff started baying again. Then from the area of the land of small humans with the creepy garden, an ungodly noise began (Mother said later they were goats).

We began a living carousel. She said I would be pretty if I weren't such a pain in the hindquarters.

Mother was very annoyed with me. She stopped me finally, and unhooked my driving reins, and made me walk in hand all the way to the mailboxes. She gathered the mail, and re-lined me. I stood very still, like a good boy. As soon as I thought she was ready, I headed home at a purposeful walk. She chastened me and made me stop. She made me stop a lot on the walk home. I JUST WANNA GO HOME!

The hell dog was there at her yard, with her companion, an English mastiff who doesn't bark as much and so I like him better. I tried to hurry up the driveway hill, but again Mother insisted we just walk.

I thought it was great to be home, and surely Mother would feed me dinner, but she drove me in through the barnyard gate, closed it, drove me to the arena, in we went, closed that gate, and made me drive in there a while. Then she lunged me a little bit, too! Sure, it was only a few circles in each direction, but I thought we went home for dinner. I didn't think it would be all this work!

So I understand a lot of postal workers don't like dogs. I can certainly see why. That mastiff weighs more than I did when I was a foal!

I wonder if Mother would let me carry mace?

Friday, April 16, 2010

My New Postal Route

I have a job. I am a postal carrier. Mother and I walk all the way out to the mailboxes a few times a week, and she retrieves the mail, and then we bring it back.

It's a lot harder than it sounds. We go down a big hill, over a bridge, up and down another hill, across another bridge, then up the big hill to where the mailboxes are by the fast road. I have walked up there many times in the last couple of years, whenever I lived at Aunt Marilyn's, but today was different.

Mother drove me to the mailboxes.

And you know that whole "no matter rain or sleet or blah blah blah"? Well, it was windy and there was obviously a storm coming and we went to get the mail anyway!

I didn't see the point of going down the big driveway hill. I tried turning around several times to let Mother know there was no real reason to head out into the wind, we could easily return home. I finally decided she was determined, and we continued on.

At the second bridge, which is followed shortly by the land of small humans with the loud and creepy garden, I was uncertain about crossing. I finally decided to, when there was a loud flutter and from underneath the bridge two monsters flapped and flung themselves into the air! By the time Mother turned me back around, the monsters were gone, but I didn't know where they went. Mother and I discussed crossing the bridge. She decided to lead the way, and I was happy to follow. She doesn't understand how scary it is to be in the lead like I am when I am being driven. Lead mare leads, herd stallion follows. Doesn't she understand that?

We got up to the mailboxes, and she tucked my offside driving line up under my pad, and put the mail in her bag. She says for me to be a postal carrier, I need to carry the mail; she will work on my mail pouch. Anyway, she put her bag back on her back, took up my lines again, and back homeward we went.

It's a lot less scary on the way home. I was trying to hurry at times, but Mother is not into hurrying home.  She even stopped to pick up a pile I made, with a plastic bag that she put into another plastic bag, then into her backpack, all while I watched.

There are easier ways to get that, Mother, than driving me around and scaring it out of me!!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Alien Spaceship

Hi. I'm the interloper. I mean cousin.

 I am a Nokota, just like Boyfriend.

My name is... well, actually I'm a bit confused on that part. I'm Coyote, Blue Man, Little Man, Raising Cain, Romeo, Romies, or Soldier. Aunt Mommie mostly calls me Romeo, Romies or Soldier.

Aunt Mommie is who Boyfriend calls Mother. I want to call her Mother, too, but she says I can't. So I call her Aunt Mommie, and remain hopeful.

Boyfriend very begrudgingly, I mean graciously, let me use his blog tonight so I could tell you about my weekend at the Alien Spaceship. That's how Aunt Mommie described it to some people:
Imagine you're on an alien spaceship. You only know the alien guide who is leading you around, and she provides you with good food and has never injured you, and you've never been hurt when you've been around her. So when you walk around this spaceship and there are hundreds of 500-fanged 6-limbed monsters (with 8 eyes on stalks), you just don't look around at anything but your guide. You're just looking for a clear spot you can walk through, and you follow your guide. Of course, if you saw one of those monsters in your own home, you'd have a terror-filled walleyed fit.
I did not see any monsters quite like that, but I saw things that defied explanation.

We were actually at what the humans called Equine Affaire. We arrived and stayed in stalls with LOTS of other horses around, all sizes, and some strange animals that I think were horses, but I'm not entirely sure. Aunt Mommie made sure I got out from time to time, to walk around and stretch my legs and eat grass. I saw things on those walks I will never forget. There was even a train on rails way above the ground. A lot of times, we just stood around and posed for pictures.

I saw what I thought were itty bitty foals that weren't foals (their legs were too short). One was pulling a human behind it in a bizarre contraption. The more I walked around, the more weirdness I saw. There were creepy fat snakey cables on the ground, and most everywhere we walked was hard, hard ground. There were gigantic horses, and black horses covered in shiny tin, and horses that spun and spun for no reason I could see.  There were painted horses, and little horses that floated alongside young humans like ghostly leashless dogs, and enormous balls that bounced alongside humans. There were humans in every place I looked, and some were in moving chairs or loud contraptions, and little humans were pushed around in more wheeled contraptions. There were horses whose hooves trit-trotted over the ground so quickly I was dizzy. Over it all, the odd smell of sugar and grease overwhelmed everything. I just followed Aunt Mommie.

On one walk, we went into one of the huge buildings, into a small little fenced paddock, and I was pet by many small humans, and everyone stared at me, while Hay Man's voice boomed out much louder and stranger than I'd ever heard it.

The longer he talked, the more people came over. Lots of little humans... it's something about being blue, I think...

She rode me, too in that strange place, "just for an outing", with lots of humans around. I'd never been ridden anyplace like that, especially not with so many humans around. All weekend, humans everywhere!!

We did a strange talk in a big ring with humans rising almost to the ceiling, and my cousins were ridden around, while I walked along the fence with Aunt Mommie, and stopped to get pet by children (that's what Aunt Mommie says is the proper word for human larvae). Aunt Mommie is waiting to get more pictures of that part; I am trying to forget all that happened!

Aunt Mommie was very proud of me. I should say so! That was a very strange place! I was very happy to be back home again.

Aunt Mommie says it was very important what I did, letting people know more about Nokota horses, and how affectionate and sensible we can be. I don't know about all that. I just think humans are nice when they pet me, and there was nothing to be afraid of up there. If anything wanted to attack something, it would have gone for one of the gazillion humans around~ I am so fast, it would never have caught me!

And it would have tripped over all those humans before it could get anywhere close to me, anyway.

Monday, April 12, 2010

My Mother-free weekend

So, while Mother was off with the interloper, I was enjoying my weekend with the red mare herd. I don't need to go to some big horse expo for people to see me. I can bask in my own glory at home.

This is my friend, Jeanie. I told you she was pretty. She's a little older than me (23 years older, actually), but she is still my favorite mare. 

So while Mother was off galavanting this weekend, I was with my herd, working hard. I mean, look at how short this grass is. That's hard work. 

And making sure everyone goes where they need to go...

Looking out for dangers to my mares...

All members of the herd count... here's my fat donkey.

And Belle needs attention, so I spent time with her, too... 

So, Mother can just go off and do things with the interloper. I don't need her. I have my own job, taking care of my red mare herd. And I can probably talk Aunt Marilyn into giving me cookies!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Shameful Neglect

Mother has been neglecting me. I think she is spending time with the interloper, I mean cousin. I haven't gotten my night cookies nearly as often!

Mother stopped in tonight to tell me she was going to be gone for a few days. Days! With the interloper.

She did give me cookies, though. And Aunt Karin was there and she gave me cookies, too. Aunt Karin is so nice.

I guess I have my mare friends. Maybe I don't need Mother... she can can just go off with the interloper!!

I mean cousin.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

You can always go home again

Well, it turns out I moved back to Aunt Marilyn's. I arrived, and all my red mares were there, and very happy to see me! Belle and I have a big covered area that is screened for flies, and we can go out and munch on the sprouts of grass coming up anytime we want, day or night. That's so nice.

My other red mare friend, Jeanie, was glad to see me back. She is a little older, but a very pretty mare, if I must say. She was busy eating inside the barn when Mother came around with the camera, but I will introduce you to her sometime soon.

There are a few other males around.

There's the donkey, and Bert. Oh, and Bert's sister, another red mare!

Those boys know I am superior. It goes without saying. I'll say it anyway, though, if they forget.

Anyway, Mother still grooms me and feeds me, so really the only difference in my life is I am out anytime I want to be, and have mare-friends instead of being in the bachelor band. And here I was all worried, for no reason!
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