Monday, June 27, 2011

A Point of Clarification

I am taking a stand, and Boyfriend can take a backseat for once.

My name is NOT "Fat Donkey". 

My name is Coyote. 
I am always sweet, always loving. I even forsake my own well-being to provide cleanliness for the aged mare, cleaning up her spilled grain mash which would surely molder and grow fetid if I did not provide this service.
I have a soul, you know. I have feelings.
 Why must I continue to be mocked?

It's ok that you don't understand the sacrifices I make; you're only human. But I don't think a little respect is too much to ask.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Rest and Relaxation

Well, hi!

Today was a great day. Sure it was overcast, and we might not have gotten to go out on the good grass pasture due to the storms last night and all the rain, but it was still a good day. 

For one, Mother doesn't lunge me if the ground could be slippery. Two, it was rather cooler today, so no bathing performed. And she gave me a really good brushing. But wait, there's more!

Nothing like a nice shave, courtesy Mother, to revitalize the spirit. I like the clippers, it gives me more "Mother Time". And she kisses me on my nose a lot. (She does that when she gives me a bath, too, but she finds mushy wet nose kisses more amusing than I do by that point.)

Oh, and look at the mane side, as I continue to recover from the anti-burr haircut... although I got the eerie feeling Mother was considering burr prophylaxis as she carved my halterpath out today.

Then Mother gave me a nice massage, really concentrating on my shoulders, neck and back... all those places I work really hard in my day to day job. I got a nice dinner...

Then back to work, with Belle and my fat donkey in the small.
Fat donkey, tightrope walking does not make you look thinner. The contrary, in fact.

Oh wait, Mother, did you say you have cookies?

Like I said, it was a great day!!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Where's the line?

How many little annoyances must there be before one can properly consider it out and out abuse?

Mother put the evil grazing muzzle on me today. Granted, she took it off after an hour, but that was an hour I couldn't eat nearly as well as the others while we were on the good grass pasture.We only go out for a set number of hours a day... come on!

Some time after she removed the evil grazing muzzle, Mother came out and got me (while we were still on good grass pasture time). Now, she did give me dinner... but then got distracted while I ate (and finished!) while she picked raspberries in the garden. Tick tock tick tock on the good grass pasture clock, lady!!

Finally she came and got me from the stall...  and lunged me. She lunged me on a really long line in the small, so while the circles were quite large, she made me work for a lot longer than she normally would.

And she hosed me off, too, afterward. I mean yes, I was hot and sweaty, but hosing me? I think that can go on the list of abuses.

And then when I got turned back out, the gate to the good grazing pasture was closed!!! Sob... sob... SOB!!!!


When she said, "See you tomorrow" after my goodnight kiss, I wasn't really sure if I want her to come by tomorrow or not... the aunts never put that muzzle on me, or lunge me, or hose me off, and they feed me every day, too. Who needs Mother, if she is just going to be cruel?

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Fair Play, a Dirty Game, and my newest enterprise

Turn about is fair play. Mother has persisted in dumping and or spraying cold water on me for years now, telling me it's for my own good. But when I return the favor during our walk, grooming time, etc with quarts of nice warm saliva*, she gets irritated.

Does that seem unfair to anyone else?

And Mother played an odd trick while I was eating my dinner. She took the (admittedly small) remainder of my Herballs out to the small and scattered them around. Belle and Bert went to scavenging, and by the time I went out after dinner, I was hard pressed to make sure that I got my fair share, which of course is all of them, since they are MINE. Was this some sort of bizarre retribution for the saliva thing?

I had told her I was sorry.

*Unlike last year, I have accepted the drool. It no longer freaks me out into hypochodriacal, paranoid prey-species paroxysms. In fact, it was the impetus behind my latest endeavor: my Red Mare Herd and I are starting a band. With my honorary degree from Drooliard, "Boyfriend and the White Clovers" should be making appearances soon, perhaps even at a venue near you! We'll cover songs like "Crimson and Clover"; other bands such as Drool and the Gang; and even Broadway tunes from popular productions like "Drooley and the Beast" and "Romeo and Drooliet".

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Slight Inaccuracy

In Mother's procrastinatory interweb explorations, she stumbled upon this. I have no idea how...

They spelled my name wrong.

Am I blasphemous?

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Constructive Self Criticism

Mother has been mumbling about my pleasingly plump physique. I think I am wonderful at any weight. I am wonderful in every aspect, pretty much, and refuse to allow Mother's opinions to influence my self image.

I decided to do a self evaluation, however, lest I did need improvement in some area... I wouldn't want to neglect myself through lack of introspection.

After thoroughly considering all areas, I decided a little constructive self criticism was in fact in order. This about sums it up:

constructive self criticism

my weakness
my feeling
of supremacy

vanquished it
now i'm
            ~Erich Fried

This self-help stuff really works!

Friday, June 10, 2011

An Evening with Boyfriend

This is how I like to spend my Friday nights... nothing spells contentment like the sound of ripping grass.


What? It's true. That grass won't just rip itself...

Monday, June 6, 2011

Artistic Expression

Mother gave me a scrubby bath on Saturday. This is a soapless operation, but there were still lots of suds... Sweat, fly spray, whatever else Mother has smeared on me lately. The rinsing scrubbing affair seemed to take forever, but as it was very, very hot, I was rather content to allow it.

When Mother came to visit me Sunday, she just sighed as she gave me my cookies. Obviously, she doesn't understand art when she sees it.

Does she have any idea how difficult it is to get that part of your face?
I worked really hard on this! 

Everyone knows if you're going to be vain, photos must be taken immediately after bathing. I remain unapologetic.

Saturday, June 4, 2011


Mother abandoned me all this week. She claims she was helping Aunt Nancy and her equine, feline, and human hordes migrate across the country to Aunt Nancy's new home, somewhere in the heartland. I'm not sure what all of that means, but I do know she took the wi-fi with her and I have been trapped up here with fat donkey and no means of communication with the outside world.

My relief and joy at her return is a bit tempered by the fact that she is getting the bathing paraphernalia out...

Aunt Nancy, couldn't you have moved to Alaska or something? Help a Boyfriend out!
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