Sometimes, in Mother's intermittent and somewhat inept attempts to purify my outer person, she uses "hoses". I think of them as snakes, but I've heard Mother call it a hose, so I guess that's what it is.
There is the blue snake, I mean hose, which spits water. I don't really care for it, especially since the water it spits always seems to be awfully chilly. But I've learned to tolerate it, as it doesn't bite me, and eventually I'll get my dinner.
Sometimes the hose is white, or red, or green. Those colors all spit water.
Tonight, Mother used the other hose, that I almost had forgotten. It is a black hose, and it spits air. A LOT of air. Really hard, and it makes what looks like smoke rise up out of my hair, and the hair and debris on the ground skitters in all directions if the hose points that way. It wasn't as bad as I remember from the first time; the air wasn't nearly as cold. But it is really creepy nonetheless.
I started thinking about this, and maybe I shouldn't complain that these things always seem to involve cold... because, what if Mother gets a fire hose?!? What if Mother decides to clean me by burning off the dirt? She already uses water and air, which I would never have thought of. I use the ground, or trees or something.
I don't understand how humans make water and air (really, really fast air) go where they want. And fire, too. I've seen people burn things with a backpack snake fire thing.
And if she has a fire hose, how would she burn off the dirt without burning ME? I try really hard to do what Mother asks, but if she comes near me with a fire snake, I'm out of there. Cookies just aren't worth that!
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I love this!ReplyDelete
Boyfriend, I think you shall be okay. :)