Tuesday, November 20, 2012


To my surprise, I saw a lot of Mother this weekend. She fed us all of our meals. She beefed up fence-line security by trimming back weeds and brush, seeing as the wood fence is in many ways more of a visual barrier than anything else... when Bert is around, it is wise to have the zapping fence working.

Or donkeys. It is good for donkeys to get zapped.

Anyway, it was nice having her around, making my warm mush breakfast and giving me treats. She was muttering strangely as she cleaned, however. Something about toilets and rules...

At first I was puzzled. Belle and I have pretty set patterns, and our run in is typically standard to clean. We had followed the pattern. What was Mother going on about?

 Listening closer, I realized she was talking about her toilet. Whaaaaat? Apparently, her domicile has an eccentric... facility.

She was grumbling under her breath about the Rules to the Toilet placard she plans to post in her bathroom.Something about potential lawsuits?

Rules to the Toilet
1. Please read all instructions before attempting to utilize this device.
2. Remember, like animals and children, toilets can sense fear. Never let it know you are afraid.
3. No matter what happens, DO NOT PANIC. Worst case scenario, you can always turn off the water at the wall.
4. Locate the water shut off valve at the wall before attempting to flush, to insure prompt response in case of aforementioned worst case scenario.
5. When flushing the toilet, lightly and quickly flush the handle. Do not linger.
6. The burden placed upon the toilet is irrelevant. Do not grow complacent. You never know what tiny thing may set it off on its runaway course. You may be surprised by its bravery at other points.
7. Timing the drop of the toilet seat lid at the very end of the flush portion of the cycle seems to help ensure a smooth operation next flush.
8. The plunger is always within easy reach.
9. If in doubt, refer to rule number 3.
10. After bowl is cleared, remain standing anxiously while bowl refills... refills... refills... this may take a while.

Proceed to your right to utilize the sink

Rule of the Sink
1. Unless you are a speed washer, turn on the cold water as well as the hot, in close to equal amounts. The hot water achieves scalding temperature within 8 seconds of initiation.

I think Mother has lost it. What is she talking about??

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