Whenever she does the weight tape, she advocates for me to suck in my ribs so I will appear thinner. She'll pull the little strip of cloth/tape tighter and tighter, and I try to squish my ribs, but eventually I have to breath.
If I did a really good job, she gives me a cookie...
Anyway, today Mother found that upon first putting the tape on, I was easily under 950lbs. When she told me to "suck it in", it made it to 905lbs.
Mother stepped back, stared at me. Poked my ribs. Aunt Marilyn asked if we needed to change my food. Mother decided that perhaps when the current orange food runs out, she'll switch me back to the old horse mush. She wants me below 1,000 weight tape pounds and above "too skinny". I am not too skinny, especially as I have a leg that doesn't need to work harder than necessary, but Mother wants to make sure I stay "not too skinny."
She said I didn't really look any thinner, but that's why she likes to tape me. She says looks can be deceiving, and tangible evidence is better, whatever that means. She claims there is a delicate balance between healthy thin and too thin.
How's this for balanced, Mother?
I can't help but think I look a little top heavy...
Here are pictures she took while I dined on the lawn. It was warm out, so my coat is laying pretty flat, even though it is winter full.
So, is the weight tape stretching? Did I loose all the muscles on my back? Have I perfected imploding my ribcage?
Why don't you just give me my cookies and stop measuring me, Mother?
I'm afraid if I tell her I'm too thin she'll just get all worried that I am loosing weight because my leg hurts and that the wolves will notice my condition and single me out and... never mind.
Of course, I don't want to miss out on a cookie increase or more mush grain if the opportunity arises!
What to do?
You always look beautiful to me Bif. Hope you and your mama have a very Merry Christmas!ReplyDelete
More cookies - less tapes!ReplyDelete
They tell humans not to get obsessive about weighing themselves... (just sayin'.)
Merry Christmas to you and your mother Bif - and best wishes for a healthy, happy New Year!