Mother came to visit me today, but she was not alone. She brought a human I'd never seen, but who introduced herself by giving me cookies. Mrs. Pastures, in fact... the cookies were Mrs. Pastures, not the actual woman.
I'd really like to meet her!
We went out on the barn porch, and the strange human and Mother brushed me and picked my hoovies and Mother clipped my halter path. They talked about me... Hello, I am right here and I hear every word you are saying. Excuse me??
Mother weight taped me, so I obligingly stood while she snugged the tape. She turned to remark, but then thought I moved my ribs so she snugged it up some more, all the way to yesterday's weight. The strange human said, "Don't worry, though, he's FINE. He isn't thin."
"Fine" doesn't get me food, lady... I'm not sure I like you. Wait, there is still another cookie in your pocket. I'm sure you are very nice, just a bit misguided in not asking Mother to increase my intake.
Mother wandered off to go gerry-rig the already mickey-moused Multipurpose fence so she could free lunge me in there and stare at my leg. sigh. At least the strange human with one cookie left brushed me and fussed over me while Mother blundered about.
Lots of the fence in the multipurpose isn't really there, or is there but not attached. Sometimes the deer will break a panel, but usually it is Bert barging into things. He is the reason Alcatraz gets redone all the time. He is why we have the zapping fence. The Aunts don't worry too much about the Multipurpose fence, though, as it is closed or open at the gate and if horses are in it, it is OK to go out back into the grassy pasture, too.
Except when Mother lunges me.
Mother hasn't lunged me in a long time, at least a month. She says she has been afraid to look. You don't need Dramamine for this one, because the strange human with one cookie left apparently did the recording. Her device didn't make creepy noises or flash funny lights. I didn't really even notice she was putting my moving soul in the little box, so she can come back anytime (bring cookies).
Mother then took my moving soul and drowned out the bizarre noises she was making by putting some man's voice over it. I think her voice is fine, especially when she calls me "Handsome", or calls me to dinner, or tells me I am a Good Boy.
So as you can clearly see from this, there is nothing wrong with me. All the times I am not perfectly even, there was a tussock of grass that altered my stride, or ahhh... ahhh... uhhhh... and the ground slopes from the snoozing mower end to the gates everywhere end, so there's that and... I'm fine. Really. Nothing to see here. Just skip it, actually.
Afterwards, Mother put me on the lawn while she prepared dinner, then she and the strange human with one cookie left sat and talked while I ate, and even seemed to get in some weird fight that wasn't a fight but made no sense. Mother turned her rump on the stranger and I was sure a melee was going to ensue (you know how mares can be) and I was prepared to move if necessary, but it blew over as quickly as it started. Humans are very odd at times.
The strange human finally gave me her last cookie, and Mother put me outside with more hay and my good-bye cookies. So while I got a lot of cookies, it was a very strange day.
*Aiding and abetting is an additional provision in United States criminal law, for situations where it cannot be shown the party personally carried out the criminal offense, but where another person may have carried out the illegal act(s) as an agent of the charged, working together with or under the direction of the charged party, who is an accessory to the crime... the provision of "aiding and abetting" must be considered alongside the crime itself, although a defendant can be found guilty of aiding and abetting an offense even if the principal is found not guilty of the crime itself. In all cases of aiding and abetting, it must be shown a crime has been committed, but not necessarily who committed it. It is necessary to show that the defendant has willfully associated himself with the crime being committed, that he does, through his own act or omission, as he would do if he wished for a criminal venture to succeed. (Stolen from wikipedia)
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You are a very wonderful, handsome, special guy and your Mother is a terrific human. I'll come visit again!ReplyDelete
Psst Boyfriend, I almost ALWAYS have Mrs. Pastures cookies in my pockets =)
Ohh, it was you, Jeni!ReplyDelete
Mother didn't say your name, and you were too busy handing me cookies for me to ask.
Wait, she did say it when the Aunts were up there. I just didn't realize you were the same Jeni...