Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Where's the "it", Mother?

Mother has been woefully absent of late. I thought she had turned the corner when she came up two days in a row, but now once again, abandonment. I am not even sure how long it has been... Forever?

In good news, Aunt Nancy and the man came to visit. Aunt Nancy is always really nice to me, although she doesn't really give me cookies. She says nice things about me and to me and always sounds very admiring.

Mother says the hos(pi)tile takeover is nearly complete, and that she'll come see me more often again very soon. But I know for a fact that she went somewhere after work tonight instead of coming to see me. Something about calculus and college?

There's a big difference between an equation, Mother, and equitation. It might seem like just two little letters, but there is a world of difference. Really, how do you want to spend your time? Where are your priorities?

When Mother does come up, she often puts the weight tape around me, squints, pulls it tighter, sighs. I have found that if I exhale, she seems happier, so when she pulls it tight around me, instead of blowing out my belly, I try to suck my belly in. I seem to get more cookies that way. I am actually a very good boy about the weight tape. Mother used to laugh at me because I was very nervous of the weight tape. Saddle? No problem. Weight tape? CREEPY! Mother said I looked like Bugs Bunny figuring out he was getting measured for the stock pot.

That's not a very nice thing to say. That sort of thing can happen. I don't want it to happen to me!

I had the strangest dream the other night... Is it because Mother has been neglecting me? Anyway, I found a way to re-enact for my readers. Click this button, but I recommend you just listen and not watch, because the video isn't really me. Oh, for backgound information, Mr. Smothers is Mother's cat. He and Aunt Nancy discussed some of the dangers of the world outside the house... "snake bite, dog attack, or vehicular felinicide".

And one last qualifier. I am a good horse. But Aunt Nancy oh-so-very-occasionally uses bad language. This re-enactment is exactly how the dream happened, so it is verbatim. My apologies to any young impression-ables.


  1. What the @#$% are you talking about, Bif?! I NEVER swear!

    -Aunt Nancy

  2. Your dream is the funniest thing I have seen in many, many moons. Thanks for sharing it. I'll have Fenway repost, if you don't mind!

    Marnie (Fenway's human)


  3. Terrible about the finger, but excellent about the open gate :) May be safer to go back to Mrs. Pasture's...

  4. Mother says people will worry that I really bit off her finger. That would be so gross. Blech! Really, not at all like a cookie...

  5. Maybe like these?




Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...