The Alien Spaceship

Hi. I'm the interloper. I mean cousin.

 I am a Nokota, just like Boyfriend.

My name is... well, actually I'm a bit confused on that part. I'm Coyote, Blue Man, Little Man, Raising Cain, Romeo, Romies, or Soldier. Aunt Mommie mostly calls me Romeo, Romies or Soldier.

Aunt Mommie is who Boyfriend calls Mother. I want to call her Mother, too, but she says I can't. So I call her Aunt Mommie, and remain hopeful.

Boyfriend very begrudgingly, I mean graciously, let me use his blog tonight so I could tell you about my weekend at the Alien Spaceship. That's how Aunt Mommie described it to some people:
Imagine you're on an alien spaceship. You only know the alien guide who is leading you around, and she provides you with good food and has never injured you, and you've never been hurt when you've been around her. So when you walk around this spaceship and there are hundreds of 500-fanged 6-limbed monsters (with 8 eyes on stalks), you just don't look around at anything but your guide. You're just looking for a clear spot you can walk through, and you follow your guide. Of course, if you saw one of those monsters in your own home, you'd have a terror-filled walleyed fit.
I did not see any monsters quite like that, but I saw things that defied explanation.

We were actually at what the humans called Equine Affaire. We arrived and stayed in stalls with LOTS of other horses around, all sizes, and some strange animals that I think were horses, but I'm not entirely sure. Aunt Mommie made sure I got out from time to time, to walk around and stretch my legs and eat grass. I saw things on those walks I will never forget. There was even a train on rails way above the ground. A lot of times, we just stood around and posed for pictures.

I saw what I thought were itty bitty foals that weren't foals (their legs were too short). One was pulling a human behind it in a bizarre contraption. The more I walked around, the more weirdness I saw. There were creepy fat snakey cables on the ground, and most everywhere we walked was hard, hard ground. There were gigantic horses, and black horses covered in shiny tin, and horses that spun and spun for no reason I could see.  There were painted horses, and little horses that floated alongside young humans like ghostly leashless dogs, and enormous balls that bounced alongside humans. There were humans in every place I looked, and some were in moving chairs or loud contraptions, and little humans were pushed around in more wheeled contraptions. There were horses whose hooves trit-trotted over the ground so quickly I was dizzy. Over it all, the odd smell of sugar and grease overwhelmed everything. I just followed Aunt Mommie.

On one walk, we went into one of the huge buildings, into a small little fenced paddock, and I was pet by many small humans, and everyone stared at me, while Hay Man's voice boomed out much louder and stranger than I'd ever heard it.

The longer he talked, the more people came over. Lots of little humans... it's something about being blue, I think...

She rode me, too in that strange place, "just for an outing", with lots of humans around. I'd never been ridden anyplace like that, especially not with so many humans around. All weekend, humans everywhere!!

We did a strange talk in a big ring with humans rising almost to the ceiling, and my cousins were ridden around, while I walked along the fence with Aunt Mommie, and stopped to get pet by children (that's what Aunt Mommie says is the proper word for human larvae). Aunt Mommie is waiting to get more pictures of that part; I am trying to forget all that happened!

Aunt Mommie was very proud of me. I should say so! That was a very strange place! I was very happy to be back home again.

Aunt Mommie says it was very important what I did, letting people know more about Nokota horses, and how affectionate and sensible we can be. I don't know about all that. I just think humans are nice when they pet me, and there was nothing to be afraid of up there. If anything wanted to attack something, it would have gone for one of the gazillion humans around~ I am so fast, it would never have caught me!

And it would have tripped over all those humans before it could get anywhere close to me, anyway.

My Mother-free weekend

So, while Mother was off with the interloper, I was enjoying my weekend with the red mare herd. I don't need to go to some big horse expo for people to see me. I can bask in my own glory at home.

This is my friend, Jeanie. I told you she was pretty. She's a little older than me (23 years older, actually), but she is still my favorite mare. 

So while Mother was off galavanting this weekend, I was with my herd, working hard. I mean, look at how short this grass is. That's hard work. 

And making sure everyone goes where they need to go...

Looking out for dangers to my mares...

All members of the herd count... here's my fat donkey.

And Belle needs attention, so I spent time with her, too... 

So, Mother can just go off and do things with the interloper. I don't need her. I have my own job, taking care of my red mare herd. And I can probably talk Aunt Marilyn into giving me cookies!

Shameful Neglect

Mother has been neglecting me. I think she is spending time with the interloper, I mean cousin. I haven't gotten my night cookies nearly as often!

Mother stopped in tonight to tell me she was going to be gone for a few days. Days! With the interloper.

She did give me cookies, though. And Aunt Karin was there and she gave me cookies, too. Aunt Karin is so nice.

I guess I have my mare friends. Maybe I don't need Mother... she can can just go off with the interloper!!

I mean cousin.

You can always go home again

Well, it turns out I moved back to Aunt Marilyn's. I arrived, and all my red mares were there, and very happy to see me! Belle and I have a big covered area that is screened for flies, and we can go out and munch on the sprouts of grass coming up anytime we want, day or night. That's so nice.

My other red mare friend, Jeanie, was glad to see me back. She is a little older, but a very pretty mare, if I must say. She was busy eating inside the barn when Mother came around with the camera, but I will introduce you to her sometime soon.

There are a few other males around.

There's the donkey, and Bert. Oh, and Bert's sister, another red mare!

Those boys know I am superior. It goes without saying. I'll say it anyway, though, if they forget.

Anyway, Mother still grooms me and feeds me, so really the only difference in my life is I am out anytime I want to be, and have mare-friends instead of being in the bachelor band. And here I was all worried, for no reason!

In the air

Something is up, but I am not sure what. That is an unsettling feeling. Humans have been hugging Mother more... last time they did that, she went away for weeks and weeks. But she has been showing me mind pictures of Aunt Marilyn's and my red mare herd. Nothing about Aunt Margie caring for me and my being a good boy like she did when she left for weeks and weeks. So I don't know what is up.

Geography lessons

So, I spent the day like I spend most every day, out in the field with my friends, enjoying the grass, the wind in my hair, the mud that feels so good when you roll and squish squish squish in it...

I like living the natural life, and Mother lets me, up to a point. I am the first horse she's ever let have so much hair.

I like being  au naturel... that's French, like my real name.

 

So I wasn't aware that anything unusual was going to happen this evening. I stood patiently while Mother curried and brushed me, although there was a terrible coughing spell by her at one point, and I admit, there seemed to be very low visibility in the barn. She had clipped my halter path and legs and yak jaw the other week, so I peered with little more than mild interest when the clippers were brought out. I hadn't paid any attention to the various comments she had made about my excessively hairy undercarriage, and the fact that she spent more time trying to untangle and de-mud that area.

I've known I apparently am hairier than most domestic horses. I'm from North Dakota! It's important to keep yourself warm. I forgot that Mother really likes to remove hair from my person. Enter clippers.

She told Aunt Mary that she really can't explain to non-horse people what she does on her Friday nights. She wasn't even sure horse people would understand if she said what she did with her Boyfriend. In short though, she gave me a Bolivian. Or a Peruvian. A Venezuelan? Something like that.

There are no pictures for this part of the story. 

It was a little disconcerting. She clipped off all the long guard hairs from between my back legs and other portions of my undercarriage. Something about hair shouldn't be that long, and it was too easily matted with mud. I stood patiently while she stuck her head and clippers in all sorts of areas I don't think she's really examined that closely before. It was fine. Until I moved.

There were hairs that were tickling me. I spraddled in back, so Mother could get those tickly hairs off of me. Mother laughed that this would make a really great picture, as all of the South American was clearly visible, but fortunately Aunt Mary talked her out of it.

I have my dignity to maintain.

Fire hose?

Sometimes, in Mother's intermittent and somewhat inept attempts to purify my outer person, she uses "hoses". I think of them as snakes, but I've heard Mother call it a hose, so I guess that's what it is.

There is the blue snake, I mean hose, which spits water. I don't really care for it, especially since the water it spits always seems to be awfully chilly. But I've learned to tolerate it, as it doesn't bite me, and eventually I'll get my dinner.

Sometimes the hose is white, or red, or green. Those colors all spit water.

Tonight, Mother used the other hose, that I almost had forgotten. It is a black hose, and it spits air. A LOT of air. Really hard, and it makes what looks like smoke rise up out of my hair, and the hair and debris on the ground skitters in all directions if the hose points that way. It wasn't as bad as I remember from the first time; the air wasn't nearly as cold. But it is really creepy nonetheless.

I started thinking about this, and maybe I shouldn't complain that these things always seem to involve cold... because, what if Mother gets a fire hose?!? What if Mother decides to clean me by burning off the dirt? She already uses water and air, which I would never have thought of. I use the ground, or trees or something.

I don't understand how humans make water and air (really, really fast air) go where they want. And fire, too. I've seen people burn things with a backpack snake fire thing.

And if she has a fire hose, how would she burn off the dirt without burning ME? I try really hard to do what Mother asks, but if she comes near me with a fire snake, I'm out of there. Cookies just aren't worth that!

I drive really slow on the driveway

So, there I was, out in the field with my friends, newish grass coming up, minding my own.

Stuffing my face as best I could, if truth be told. Oh, and see, I am not too fat. Please tell Mother I look fine, perhaps even thin.

From time to time, Mother feels I should do some work, earn my keep, that sort of thing. Hello! The grass just got here. But, I am a good horse, so I went along with Operation Ground Driving Photo Op.

Actually, she worked first with the Big Ruby. 

I don't see what the Big Deal is. I am way more important than her, but Mother rides her, not me. Sigh. 

Anyway, Mother trussed me up, and away we went. I think she was just excited that she had talked someone into taking pictures. Never mind that daylight was waning and most of the pictures look like we're driving in the dark. She does that to me all the time, so it's not really falsification or anything.

Plod plod plod. All we do is walk. 

  

And halt.

And walk around with purposelessness.

Don't think I don't recognize purposelessness when I see it!

So we wandered around, down the drive, through some mud, and in the lower parking lot...  fortunately, I have my night vision eyeballs in.

More purposelessness? Aw, come on! it's dark, and I want my dinner!

This is so boring, and I can almost taste the Mrs. Pastures cookies waiting for me... 

The cookies are in the barn!! The barn, way up the drive. See, the lights are on, inviting us in... think cookies, Mother. I've been good... think cookies!!

Aren't you ready yet??!?

Just when I think we're done... not. She likes to take pictures of me. She says I look like Andy Lucy  somebody...

 I think I look like Boyfriend!

And this has taken forever. I want FOOD!!

food? pretty please?